I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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