There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
