And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
