i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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