I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
