I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
