My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Randomize
