i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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