the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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