literally had 100 drinks last night.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
