apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
