I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
