Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Just puked most of my soul out..
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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