yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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