We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
