YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize