All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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