Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
the day after is always just damage control
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
