I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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