The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
