Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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