i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
