what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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