Umm I'm too high to move.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
