that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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