Barsexuality is the new black.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
