Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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