cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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