When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
