I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
