I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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