cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
