false alarm. still invincible.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
