I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
