Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
