after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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