I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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