Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
