i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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