He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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