She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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