How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
