Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
