No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
