There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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