Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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