You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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