she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
