fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
dude. I can hear the air.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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