He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
