one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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