Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
