So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
