dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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