Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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