I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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