I'm jealous of your bromance
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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