Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
