Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's just like the Real World with babies
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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