can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize