I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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