It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
