Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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