the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You ate ashes out of my bong
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
