A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
