It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
