I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
