Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize