after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
