We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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