I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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