but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
