i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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