Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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