he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
