One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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