6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
