my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
