Tell her she can't have a vagina
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just took my morning after pill in the library
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize