I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
