tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
