Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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