you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
