just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
