whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
