Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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