I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
