just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
