Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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